2018

Sayonara, 2017; and welcome, 2018.  

This past year was a full one. It was full of up and downs; lessons learned; successes and setbacks.  

The wild majority of our year was filled with so much joy. Our girl turned two. My mother finally moved back east. We celebrated five years together and four happy years of marriage. I turned 33, feeling strong and happy as ever. We vacationed and laughed and loved and drank delicious wine. Lots of it. 

But there were challenges, too. As there are in most years.

And being that our greatest one- a second failed round of IVF- happened so close to the end of this one; I nearly forgot about all those beautifully joyous moments. 

But I spent many of the last few days of 2017 reflecting on all it brought.

And it's not fair- to my family and friends; to Madeline; to every happy moment we experienced in the past 365 days- to forget all of the beauty because of one setback.  

And it's these small failures that bring out the best in me- time and time again. They force me to be the absolute best version of myself- to suit up, and forge on. Even when it seems impossible. So, in reality, we ended 2017 with so much strength; and what's better than starting a new year off strong?  

So as I sit here creating my intentions for the upcoming year, I'm so grateful to all that 2017 brought us. Even the parts that stung a little at the time. Thank you for getting us ready for the year ahead. 

2018 INTENTIONS

 Be More Selfless

Last year I started 2017 by committing to making time for me- to go to the gym, drink a cup of coffee in silence, draw myself a bubble bath and enjoy it with a glass of wine, etc. And with the help of my husband and family and friends, I'd say I just about mastered it. And it helped me be a better wife, mother and friend in so many ways. And while I intend to continue to take care of me, this year I also want to be better about helping others do the same. Because  husbands need some daddy time, too.

Stay Strong

Some time in early 2017 I became super committed to eating right and staying active. I dropped some excess weight, got stronger and was happier and healthier than I had been in some time. Then I took one look at those fertility hormones and it all fell apart- seriously, that Esterace can really pack on the pounds quick. So over the past few weeks I've focused on getting back on track; and it's once again a priority for me in 2018- particularly as we continue our fertility journey and gear up for Round #4. Because IVF is hard as shit, and you've got to be strong in every sense to make it through.

 Be patient

Being patient has never been my strong suit. In fact, I'm probably one of the more impatient people in this world. But if there's one positive of my struggle to conceive, its that it has certainly made me a more patient version of myself. But there's always room for improvement. And while I've learned a lot over the past few years of TTC, each round of treatments tests the very limits of my patience. And so this year I'm making it a priority to practice patience, even when it seems all but impossible.

 Remember There's a Plan

Motherhood can be a trip, for certain. It throws you curve balls. It makes you tired. And messy. And it derails your plans. But its also amazing and rewarding and perfect in so many ways. So this year, on days that I'm thrown off- when there are spills, and boo-boos, and tears; when I'm late and miss appointments; when there are negative pregnancy tests- I intend to remember this; and that there is a plan bigger than the ones I sometimes lay out.